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Doormats

For the welcome and the not-so-welcome.

Your front door has something to say. Shop our collection of cleverly worded doormats designed to make a memorable first impression. Made from natural coconut fibers. Welcoming visitors is entirely optional.

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Ring the bell. Win a prize.

No visitors after lockdown.

The cat is both in and out.

Not responsible if you shoot your eye out.

We were hoping for someone considerably jollier.

Welcome. Don't forget to pay your green fees.

Oh good. We thought you were the in-laws.

Slow people keep right.

Welcome. We'll open the cheap shit.

Try the turkey next door.

Welcome. Attendants don't have change.

Knock if you have wine. Text if you have gossip.

Come back later. We're still caffeinating.

Ring the bell. Win a puppy.

Welcome, ya filthy animal.

Baby, it's cold outside. Might we suggest a jacket?

Beware of the dog. He's a pickpocket.

Come on in, but we're not drinking any f'ng Merlot.

Please hold. Your visit is important to us.

Don't let the dogs out no matter what they tell you.

This better be important. The Masters is on.

The dog is friendly. We're working on it.

Warning. Do not tap on the glass.

Feel free to play through.

We're glad you're here. Please tell us you brought the antidote.

Beware of the dog. She's a pickpocket.

All visitors are subject to a sniff test.

We don't want any.

Please pull forward to the second window.

You have the right to remain outside.

Wait time approx. 45 minutes from this point.

Welcome. You've been selected for additional screening.

Wait here until your number is called.

The doctor is in.

No unsupervised adults beyond this point.

Now serving number 52.

Welcome. Donations are encouraged.

Sorry. You're not on the list.

Hello. Please speak clearly into the clown's mouth.

One in, one out. Line starts here.

Walk-ins strongly discouraged.

You're early. Have a seat at the bar.

Please tell us you're the plumber.

Hands stamped for reentry.

We apologize for whatever happens next.

Make yourself at home. Restrictions apply.

Guests must be accompanied by a member.

We were told there would be fewer of you.

Packages welcome. People by appointment.

Hello. We've heard nothing about you.

Collared shirts required. Pants optional.

Yes, we're home. That wasn't an invitation.

We thought you'd be taller.

Leave your baggage at the door.

Upon entry, you accept our terms of use.

Welcome. We appreciate your decision to leave.

Come back when we miss you.

This better be important.

Welcome is probably overstating it.

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Doormats